Fabled Triple Crown Report

by Nonbasicland

Just because you can do something, doesn’t mean you should. You shouldn’t meet up with 16 sweathogs on a cold Saturday morning in Rosemont, Illinois. You shouldn’t get on a BYOB limo bus with a predetermined route of multiple suburban chain restaurants. You shouldn’t play six rounds of Middle School split across three venues without reservations or even advanced notice. You shouldn’t eat Chili’s, Arby’s and Red Lobster all within six hours. But we pit dwellers cut our teeth on the things one shouldn’t do, so why start now?

Enter, the fabled Triple Crown. The amalgamation of an ill conceived tournament series concocted by the rancid minds of Moss, Mullen and yours truly. We ideated three separate tournaments based on the run-and-gun casual events from earlier in the club’s history. A return to the Rosemont Chili’s dubbed WW4, the Arby’s Roast Beef Bash, and last but not least, Red Lobstercon. With Lords champing at the bit and friends coming in for Magiccon Chicago, I made the executive decision to merge the three hypothetical events into one foul combo meal.

The calm before the storm

To pull this off, there were logistical considerations. In order to reliably access the three “venues” and avoid drinking and driving, official round-trip transportation was secured. This necessitated a rare cost of entry for the tournament. When I reached out to Chili’s, I was informed that under no circumstances could they produce a reservation, regardless of how many idiots I had coming via party bus. This could’ve spelled the end of the event planning, but I quickly decided: Fuck it. We’ll do it live. It was dubbed a guerilla event. We were unwelcome and unexpected. Who knew how it would go over? I was pretty well convinced we would get shown the door, or unable to get enough tables, or something similarly disruptive to a tournament. That fateful morning I warned those who assembled that they knew what they signed up for and should therefore lower their expectations.


At the very table of the Rosemont Rumble 2

For me, deciding what to play was easy. I had been on various SquirrelCraft Enchantress lists for the last two full years. Deciding what to drink was similarly easy, as Jaco brought a bottle of the delicious Probitas Rum (along with Warhead flavored FourLoko, which I of course did not drink.) Spicy margaritas were flowing at Chili’s and the Lobster Punch was extremely tasty. Deciding what to eat was another matter. I had committed myself to eating something from each restaurant. I landed on dry rub ribs, a jamocha shake, and shrimp scampi. I’m still shocked no one ended up with food poisoning, which only makes me assume that alcohol kills E. coli.

Arby’s about to get rekt

In terms of the tournament, the meta was extremely black heavy, and I was victorious against four such opponents. Shout out to the black color pie for not interacting with my enchantments. Matt B and I were both 3-0 going into Round 4 when his land destruction was too much for my Squirrel Nests, giving me my only loss of the day. I found myself again at the top table in Round 6, where Lorien and his Mono U Dreadnaught deck pushed it to three games. In the end, a resolved Humility spelled doom for his former 12/12 creatures. We had made it through the tournament without incident, something I could never foresee happening.

The Fabled Triple Crown Participants

It’s considered poor taste to win your own tournament, but everything about that day was poor tasting. The prize for first place was winning back my own donated Beta Mountain, now upgraded with the signatures of the bravest 17 souls in Middle School. The other prize awarded was a copy of From The Vault: Annihilation, fittingly awarded to the player with the biggest combined check total across the three restaurants. That was claimed by my great friend Rajah who absolutely decimated the competition, having enjoyed many margaritas and even a full lobster dinner. I’m told he specifically directed the server to get the sad looking lobster out of the tank in order to put it out of it’s misery. Check the photos below for the full story there. Biggups to Rajah for being our spiritual leader for the day, as well as the farthest traveled. He came all the way from Ohio by riding the rails through the dead of night. Hardest of hardcore. Also, a quick thanks to those that registered but couldn’t make it out last minute and generously helped cover the transportation costs for those that could.

Brie, the Champ and Rajah, the Annihilated

Before you ask, I don’t expect to ever run this one back. I don’t think we could top it. Next on our docket is a return to Swedish rules Old School 93/94 at Relic War V in late April. I’ll be defending my victory at Relic War IV where I proudly defeated our Swedish rules end boss Lord Semmens in the finals. As usual we’ll be running the authentic Swedish rules set with the merciful Lords of The Pit reprint/proxy policy (play whatever you got i.e. magic is dead.)

Finally, I want to recognize and show my appreciation to the great Lords, Thrulls and friends who have actively given me support and empathy during my transition, even if just being kind or offering the same treatment you normally would. It’s probably no surprise to say that I’ve been through a lot over the past six months, so it’s been extremely meaningful to receive your positivity and love. At times it’s been the difference in making this a beautiful experience overall. Until next time, Cheers!

Rajah’s totally normal Margarita














Matt B






Get on the bus!

Chili's Sprawl

Mean Mugging

Smell that beef

Shout out to the chill staff

Next stop, Red Lobster

They put us in the back room, a good call

Rajah’s Lobster: Before

Rajah’s Lobster: After

Good eatin’